Band of Hobbits
by Shadout Mapes
Summary: Hobbits doing parodies! This'll probably become a long running series... So far I have 2 Aerosmith songs, and two Red Hot Chili Peppers songs.
1. One Ring

Band of Hobbits  
  
I've decided to put a little file where I can stick LOTR songfics. The name's basically a Band of Gypsies rip-off. The first song will be One Ring, basically about Frodo's lusting over the ring, and trying to get it to Mordor. Be careful though, the lyrics are sorta subtle. They do make sense, just think about it.  
  
One Ring  
  
Parody of Rag Doll by Aerosmith, from the album Permanent Vacation (well, I'm listening to Young Lust, but it took the version from Permanent Vacation.)  
  
The band is set up. Sam's got a gorgeous Les Paul Custom doing lead guitar, Frodo's in front of the microphone doing lead vocals, and he's got a bass guitar, Pippin's on the drums, and Merry's got a Stratocaster doing Rythem Guitar. They start on One Ring.  
  
Pippin starts off with a beat, and Sam follows with an intro riff while Merry plays some slide guitar in the background. It leads into the first verse, where Merry plays a few chords, and Sam plays an infectuosly cool riff which hits the same notes as vocals.  
  
"One Ring? I'm living in a movie!  
  
Damn thing; Think I'm getting woozy,  
  
It's so fine...  
  
He'll never see me leaving by the back door.  
  
Man.  
  
Nice time, get it while you're in Bree,  
  
I do mind, please don't talk about me,  
  
One Ring, Get me outta this rut like you've done before..."  
  
"I'm feeling like a bad boy,  
  
Oh, I'm feeling like a bad boy,  
  
I'm playing with the One Ring,  
  
Like a playing with an old toy.  
  
Now Gandalf's talking real loud,  
  
Talking all about the new crowd,  
  
Try and tell me I'm an old dream,  
  
A new version of an old scene.  
  
Speak easy on the grapevine!  
  
Keep shufflin' the shoe shine,  
  
Old Tin Lizzy! Do it 'till you're dizzy!  
  
Give it all you've got until you're put out of your misery!"  
  
I couldn't possibly change those lyrics. Besides, they fit.  
  
"One Ring? I'm living in a movie!  
  
Damn thing; Think I'm getting woozy,  
  
It's so fine...  
  
He'll never see me leaving by the back door.  
  
Man.  
  
Nice time, get it while you're in Bree,  
  
I do mind, please don't talk about me,  
  
One Ring, Get me outta this rut like you've done before..."  
  
"Yes, I'm moving! Yes, I'm moving!  
  
Get ready for the big boom.  
  
Tap dancin' up on Mount Doom.  
  
Yes I'm moving! Yes I'm moving!  
  
Oh- Tin Lizzy! Do it till you're dizzy!  
  
Give it all you've got until you're put outta your misery!"  
  
"One Ring? I'm living in a movie!  
  
Damn thing; Think I'm getting woozy,  
  
It's so fine...  
  
He'll never see me leaving by the back door.  
  
Man.  
  
Nice time, get it while you're in Bree,  
  
I do mind, please don't talk about me,  
  
One Ring, Get me outta this rut, outta this rut,  
  
Outta this rut, like you've done before...  
  
Whoo whoo!"  
  
Sam plays a real slow solo, slowly hitting one note at a time.  
  
"Yes, I'm moving! Yes, I'm moving!  
  
Get ready for the big boom.  
  
Tap dancin' up on Mount Doom.  
  
Yes I'm moving! Yes I'm moving!  
  
Sloe Gin Fizzy! A- Do it till you're dizzy!  
  
Give it all you've got until you're put outta your misery!"  
  
"One Ring? I'm living in a movie!  
  
Damn thing; Think I'm getting woozy,  
  
It's so fine...  
  
He'll never see me leaving by the back door.  
  
Man."  
  
The next verse is sung an octave higher.  
  
"Nice time, get it while you're in Bree,  
  
I do mind, please don't talk about me,  
  
One Ring, Get me outta this rut, outta this rut,  
  
Outta this rut, like you've done before..."  
  
Okay, these next two verses are weird. When there's vocals in parentheses, the lyrics said are in a processed voice in the background.  
  
"One Ring! I'm living in a movie!  
  
(One ring)  
  
Damn thing; think I'm getting woozy.  
  
(Said no)  
  
It's so fine...  
  
(Oh no)  
  
He'll never see me leaving out the back door.  
  
Man.  
  
Nice time, get it while you're in Bree.  
  
(Hard time)  
  
I do mind, please don't talk about me...  
  
One ring, get me outta this rut like you done before...  
  
(One thing)  
  
Ohhhhhh.....!"  
  
The entire next part is done with the guitar playing with the vocals. Song fades during this part.  
  
" Da-du diddy da-bu do-da da-ba do-da da-ba da  
di-du da do-da do-da do-da  
do-da oo do-da oo do-da oo do-da  
aa-bi-bi-di-bi-bi-di-di-bo  
ba babba-babba-babba-bo-bo-oo  
ba ba-ba-ba bom-bom ah bom-ba da-da-ta-da-da  
dub-dub-dub-dub-dub-doon  
woo-dum woo-dum woo-dum woo dum-dum  
da-dum de-da da-dum dum ba-da-dum"  
  
Finally, just before it becomes inaudible, you hear, "You'll never love another."  
  
End of the song. Man, that was really bad... that song repeats a lot. Well, hope someone likes it. I'm gonna have a bunch more songs. 


	2. Eat the Orcs

Eat the Orcs  
  
A.N. Well, I'll do another Aerosmith one. I think I'll do a parody of When the Levee Breaks next, it's easy to parody. But anyways, here's a real fun song. I'm not going to put spaces here because of how it turned out last time... Oh, and this includes the 'Intro' because it's on ETR on the CD I'm listening to (Young Lust: TAA, once again).  
  
The Band of Hobbits start off with Pippin making a high pitched noise in the microphone ("Aero"?) and hitting the bass drum. On about the third hit he starts banging on the other drums (don't know much about drums myself, can't play them worth crap), as Frodo starts rapping the lyrics, and every one and a while Sam says some vocals that I can't make out.  
  
"Wake up elves it's half past your youth, ain't nothing really changing but your age! You got great bowing but you're no Legolas, you gotta learn, how to relate. You be swingin' from the Bree gate. I've got all answers, lo' and behold, you've got the right ring, baby, but the wrong, ring, hole, yo!"  
  
Sam starts off on the Walk This Way riff, but stops as Pippin starts banging on the drums like crazy and yelling all these weird Spanish-sounding words (I always see him as the crazy one). Finally he stops, and all the instruments thrash into one giant chord, repeated 8 times. As the last one stops, Sam leads into a lick, which goes back into the chords. He does it again, and is joined by the Frodo on bass midway before the chord thrashing. Then they both start together (Pippin on the high hat). Finally, after repeating it, Frodo yells a "Yeah" and it goes into the verse.  
  
"Well I woke up this morning, on the wrong side of the bed. And that's how I got to thinking, about all those things you said. About those orcy little people, and how they make you sick. And if killing them comes back on you, then I hope this does the trick."  
  
"'Cause I'm sick of your complaining, about their small amount of skills! And I'm sick of your complaining about their beer-droughts and their pills. And I just can't see no pity, about your way of life. So I think I can do more for you with this here fork and knife!"  
  
"Eat the Orcs! Stupid country-fried, midget little dorks! Eat the Orcs! Like a bad apple, bad to the core! Eat the Orcs! I gotta get this off my chest! Eat the Orcs! Take one bite now, spit out the rest!"  
  
Sam does a quick bunch of licks for show here.  
  
"So I called up my Grey Wizard, and told him what I done. He said you'd best go on a diet, yeah, I hope you had your fun. And I don't mean to burst your bubble, on you orc-folks who get rude. Cause you won't get in no trouble when you eats that kind of food."  
  
"Now they're drinking up them orc-droughts, and then they go get stiff. Then they're dancing up on Mount Doom, with Sauron and Uncle Miff. But there's one good thing that happens, when you eat their sorry behind. Their attitudes may taste like shit, but go real good with wine!"  
  
"Eat the Orcs! Stupid country-fried, midget little dorks! Eat the Orcs! Like a bad apple, bad to the core! Eat the Orcs! I gotta get this off my chest! Eat the Orcs! Take one bite now, spit out the rest!"  
  
Frodo makes a spitting noise as Sam goes back to the lick thingy from the beginning. After they repeat it, the chords go on as Rythem guitar, as Sam goes into a big solo. After a bit, he slows down and just starts hitting two notes (Dim5th for you musicians). He then does a nice steady solo, until he hits a low note and slides down, where the volume gets lower, and you can barely hear Pippin doing the 'Aero' thing, as though he's been doing it all along. Sam turns around and faces an amp, holding his hand in the air as steady feedback comes through. The drums then pump up, and build up to the next verse.  
  
"I believe in all the great things, that being an orc you just can't do! And you won't get no bellyache, from eating lembas, it's true. I believe in being paid for working, but working for Mordor just won't last! So take your rainbow wizard and shove him up your ass!!!" I love that line.  
  
"Eat the Orcs! Stupid country-fried, midget little dorks! Eat the Orcs! Like a bad apple, bad to the core! Eat the Orcs! I gotta get this off my chest! Eat the Orcs! Take one bite now, spit out the rest! Eat the Orcs! Stupid country-fried, midget little dorks! Eat the Orcs! Like a bad apple, bad to the core! Eat the Orcs! Don't stop me now, I'm going crazy! Eat the Orcs! Well that's my idea of a good time bay-by!"  
  
Whoo! Yah! You's better EAT the orcs! Yeh, so I'm thinking When the Levee Breaks next, not sure though. 


	3. Give it to Sauron / Under the Shadow of ...

Give it Away / Under the Bridge  
  
Special double feature for not doing anything for the last few months! Some classics from the Red Hot Chili Peppers! Goes to show what I say I'll do isn't what I'll do… or something. Well, in any case, hope yer happy. Oh, and Merry's on bass on this one, Frodo doesn't do anything but vocals.  
  
The song starts out with an intro that actually manages to be more catchy than the rest of this song (meaning it's really catchy, I think). Anyways, Frodo comes in with a voice, which is strange from his usual one, and he does the solo.  
  
"What I've got you've got to give it to your master!  
  
What I've got you've got to give it to that Sauron!  
  
What I've got you've got to keep it from them elf men;  
  
You do a little dance; Elrond gives you a little water!  
  
  
  
What I've got you've got to serve your dark master!  
  
What I've got you've got to serve your dark master!  
  
What I've got you've got to serve your dark master!  
  
Reeling from the whoop-ass, don't stop, go faster!  
  
  
  
Uh- realize I don't want to be a miser!  
  
Confide that Strider's not much wiser!  
  
Young blood is the loving upriser!  
  
How come everybody want to hang out with Mith-rinde-er?!"  
  
  
  
That last word is pronounced weirdly, it's actually "Mithrandir" of course. And I add an extra syllable to the Chorus, but it's sung so fast, syllables don't matter.  
  
  
  
"Give it to Sauron, Give it to Sauron, Give it to Saur-on!"  
  
X3  
  
"Oh, I can't tell if it's in the bottom or the topper!  
  
  
  
Greedy little person: Gollum's in distress!  
  
Keep your more to receive your less!  
  
Unimpressed by Legolas' assets;  
  
Don't be mean. Weed? Me say hell yes!  
  
  
  
I'm a bit short, but I have a mithril suit now.  
  
No time for the wringraithes or the noose now!  
  
Get ring; get down for the luau!  
  
Never been a better time, than right now!  
  
  
  
Mithrandir, wizard and a prophet!  
  
Mithrandir, taught me how to off it!  
  
Mithrandir, walkin' like he talk it!  
  
Goodness me, Gimli, you're gonna cough it!"  
  
  
  
Chorus except he replaces that last line with an "Ahhhhhh! Aw yeah!" Then they do another Chorus with a different guitar part before the solo sets in, a very strange solo. Next verse!  
  
"Lucky me, enhanced ability!  
  
Coming down with great agility!  
  
+5/+5 stats of mobility!  
  
What's this? RPG? Umm, fertility!" (AN Nice save…)  
  
  
  
Mr. Gandalf I hate him cause he hates me!  
  
I hate the times when he bugs me!  
  
Good old brother Sam gonna hug me!  
  
Butterbeer? Mm, you'll love chug-a-lug me!  
  
  
  
The Great River is born to be a giver!  
  
Keep you warm won't let you shiver!  
  
Sauron's soul never ever seems to wither!  
  
Come on everybody, I got a ring to deliver!"  
  
  
  
Chorus, with the second guitar part. Another strange guitar solo, I think it may be the same thing as the last one. He repeats the first 3 verses, and then does the Chorus with another guitar part that sounds like the intro sorta. Except he says "Give it to Sauron" 4 times, and after a pause, does 4 more except at intervals, changes guitar parts, says it 8 times in intervals. He then changes guitar parts AGAIN, and says it 8 more times in intervals, until finally the outro, where he gives a last "Give it to Sauron" before the end.  
  
  
  
The next song in the set is a parody of "Under the Bridge" by the same artists. I guess it's called "Under the shadow of Mt Doom" or something like that. I don't think Frodo plays at all on this one, I've only been able to catch one overdubbed note in the entire song…  
  
  
  
It starts off with the intro, just arpeggiating (sp?) D and F# chords. Eventually, right as it gets to chords, the vocals come in.  
  
  
  
"Sometimes I feel like I don't have a gaffer.  
  
Sometimes I feel like my only friend  
  
Is the Master of Bag End,  
  
Bearer of the One Ring.  
  
Lonely as I am,  
  
I feel I could cry…"  
  
Guitar hits an EM7 chord and the drum comes in with a beat. (Jeez, my fanfiction is like tablature).  
  
  
  
"I live in his house,  
  
Cause he's my companion.  
  
I do his errands,  
  
Cause he knows who I am.  
  
He sees my good deeds and,  
  
He lets me eat his food.  
  
Well I never worry,  
  
Now that is a lie."  
  
  
  
The ever awesome EM7 chord hits again, and when the guitar enters the chorus for the first time, so does bass.  
  
  
  
"I don't ever want to be…  
  
Some old crazy man!  
  
Let me be here at home…  
  
Cause I give a damn!"  
  
X2  
  
"Yeah, yeah…. Yeah, yeah."  
  
  
  
Then the next verse.  
  
  
  
It's hard to believe that,  
  
There's nobody out there.  
  
It's hard to believe that,  
  
I'm all alone.  
  
At least I have his love,  
  
That Frodo he loves me.  
  
Lonely as I am,  
  
I feel I could cry."  
  
  
  
The all-domineering EM7 chord comes in again, before heading into the chorus. In the "Yeah, yeah" part, the drums come in full force, and he adds another one on the end. Then, the guitar pulses chords, and Frodo whispers "One Time".  
  
  
  
This next part's confusing, the entire band (or choirboys in the actual song) does the entire next verse, but Frodo only does every other line.  
  
  
  
"Under the shadow of Mt. Doom!  
  
Is where I drew some blood.  
  
Under the shadow of Mt Doom!  
  
My ass did not get up.  
  
Under the shadow of Mt Doom!  
  
Forgot about my life.  
  
Under the shadow of Mt. Doom!  
  
Gollum kicked my ass!"  
  
Upon the word "ass" he starts doing the "yeah, yeah" thing as the rest of the band just hits a high note in the background for dramatic effect. He does it 4 times, the last time it sounds like he says "one last day" or something of the like. This is the bit where I think it's an overdub; you can hear a high note being hit, yet it's at a different volume then the rest of the guitar. This can be remedied with a pickup switch, but the guitar changes chord, so unless it's the open E string (it sounds too high to be, though), I'm pretty sure it's an overdub. In any case, the outro follows. The last chord sounds like it's being accompanied by the A note on a piano. The End. Yay. 


End file.
